To dress or not to dress?

Things that happened recently:

1. Buy house accidentally

2. Get engaged purposefully

3. Arrange wedding not so seriously


Things I have to go do now:

1. Wait patiently for keys to house

2. Look for places to do small quiet 10pax solemnization on a public holiday

3. Figure out how to smuggle real food into pool villa secretly since their catering sucks.



There, now that I've written it down, it doesn't seem like there is that much to do.
Except for the location scouting (oh why did we decide to get married on a public holiday?), and if there's going to be dressing up for the whole thing. I suppose I should get a new dress. And probably do something for my hair.

I might sound frivolous but that is not how it is. It's just that I've never been a big fan of big weddings. And I don't feel the need to make such a big deal out of it. I'm already really happy. But societal needs calls, and I will... try to wriggle out of as much as I can.


Hehe.

Mondays are grubby days

Mondays. Those nasty things that occur at the beginning of every week. The feeling of looking forward and staring down a tunnel with no end and with grubby little hands twitching from the walls. Much have beeb done and studied by scirncist in order to cure, curbe this phenimenim but to no avail. One of the more popular home cures include 3 mugs of beer at 10am in the morning to be followed by another 3 as soon the vision clears.

Writing from a bubble: An update.

I am the happiest I have ever been in my life.

Its not the adrenaline high when I was first dating Lionel.

Or the crazy madness that was single life.

Or even the anticipatory tingly happiness when I first got my job.

It's a reflection of my answer to the question: How's life?

Life is peaceful, and comfortable, and satisfying.

Work is not perfect but its not a hate-fest it once were, and going home to Lionel everyday is really one of the most unbelievable sort of happiness a person should have.

Despite all the questions and doubts I might have for the future, for now, I'm worrying about them while ensconced in the cushions of love.

Stop. Think. Grieve.

Seeing the horrific images of the aftermath of Japan after the earthquake is a sobering thing. Close to home, immediate and shocking. Read about the markets saying this earthquake would probably hurt the Japanese economy less than the 1995 Kobe earthquake is infuriating.

Stop fucking with the world, God.

Change and change

I have a bearable stasis-like life. With a little effort I can do okay, and there isn't any incentive to do more. So we are all slugs moving slowly. But despite this comfortable life, I want to move. I need speed. And growth.
I still have doubts and I worry that it's yet again a sign of an unsettled heart. But there is no choice, there is only a long-repressed impulse. I have to change. Sooner better than later, but not necessary now. Not immediate. But call me now now asap. I think I can't stand to stay anymore.

This guy ah.....

Lionel during lunch: I don't get why the guys aren't raiding today I mean, most of them are attached and attached couples don't celebrate valentine's!

Jean: Actually they do hun. It's just US that's not celebrating.

Lionel: Oh.. *munchs* mmmkay.

Jean: *sigh*

Luck's last run

New beginnings.

I've moved teams yet again. From bunker trading to risk management. And I have been extremely lucky to be in my current position, with nothing to recommend me except for being personable. No relevant degree, no relevant experience. Thank you, Luck.

Not that all has been smooth thus far. I am just grateful I'm in a new team now, but as with every other teams in the beginning, I am full of hope for the future and can't wait for it to start. Unfortunately reality is a downer and it hasn't happened yet.

But this time, this time it seems like it could happen. So many possibilities, and all I have to do is work hard and wait. 2 more months to the real test.

And no more picking up phonecalls from recruitment agents.

Celebrate, my friend.

To love immensely
No holding back
And should there be pain
Savour it
It means you have loved
And celebrate.

Its not easy to fall in love. So when you do, even if there are obstacles, even if you know its not going to work out, run towards that love. It is precious and beautiful.

Should you lose that love, celebrate that you have loved, loved to your utmost and there should be no regrets.

One day, that which you put your heart into, shall return it many times over.

white supremes

When you're in a big company like a bank, you expect your feedback and opinions as a small cog in the big scheme of things to go unheard.

When you're in a small company, everyone has opinions and everyone hears it whether you like it or not.

But the strange thing is, policies have been put into place despite facing fierce opposition. And traders aren't the wallflower sort so these guys made themselves heard.

And that's when you know that in order for the white management to retain their supposed supremacy, they're putting the bottom line in danger. For a company so focused on profit/loss, its seems like a move with no merit except for having one of theirs among us.

Ambigious Figures

There are things in life we should never take for granted.
For e.g,if you expect toilet doors with a tiny red figure on it to be the female toilet, you could find yourself in awkward circumstances as you walk in and end up standing behind a man whilst he's tinkling the ivories.

So friends, when you're in the Denpasar airport and looking for a toilet, let me remind you to check for skirts and pants in a sign.

Re:hash:Singapore

I have been back for a month, and am still getting used to being home.

Weekends have been filled with friends, and while its nice to be home and back in my room, I still miss the apartment in shanghai.

I also forgot I was shuttling between 2 places here : Lionel's and mine. Which is kinda troublesome.

Nevermind that.. I meant to say this: Many months ago, before I left I had resolutions about what I was to do in Shanghai.

Briefly here is what I thought I would do:

1. Lose weight
2. Exercise everyday
3. Trek around china on my off days
4. Learn how to cook.

Here is what has been achieved in the 4 months away:

1. Gained weight - don't ask how much.
2. Bought new track shoes, wore them twice.
3. Went to Suzhou and Xitang and Hangzhou, but could have done better.
4. Learned how I am unable to even heat up sausages without burning up the microwave.


So.. while I have not done what I was suppose to do while in Shanghai, it has been also surprisingly great.

Oh well, Hello Singapore.

No Pressure

Everyone's doing it. In the week that I've spent back in singapore, there've been 1 wedding, another engagement and loads of wedding album pictures in facebook.

With all these happening around me, its been hard to keep from thinking about it. In my emo moments, where I descent into a hormonal storm and start to feel insecure, I ask Lionel if he would like to get married. He replies with astoundingly calm and responsible answers, because he's not the one with the monthly hormonal imbalance.

But after the drama and I revert to my usual sensible self *cough* I again ponder the question of marriage.

Its the reasonable next step, and I am feeling the societal peer pressure. I like the idea of throwing a party to announce an engagement, but would hate to have the chinese dinner. I don't know what the proposal will be like, but obviously since I jumped the gun already dispelling all possibilities of a surprise, it probably won't be very exciting.

The fantasy of getting married doesn't include the reality of married life.
And the reality is that I don't feel ready for it. I don't know what its like exactly, but right now, being this way with Lionel feels right and I want to continue doing what we're doing right. The one thing I would like though, is a place of our own :p

So.. don't hold your breathe guys :) despite all you people getting married in droves, I'm gonna wait a while.

White fever

When I get into the cab at night, I get nistaken for a local. And when my destination is an area commonly occupied by foreigners, I get asked:

Your husband, is he a white guy?


........

Do I LOOK married? Am I that old? And what's with that tone? What if I am?

So I reply loudly, I am not married. Hnph.

Taobao Shopping

http://ripsky.taobao.com/

In case I forget this website. I need to come back during the summer!

2 more weeks to home

I sit and look out the window, at the flickering lights of the city.
In this empty space, the red couch is the centre.
Live eat sleep play

Not such an empty life, not with everything spread all over the floor.

I will miss you, 4-months-in-shanghai.

Coal burning in China

Pictured above, loads of coal :)

At a quaint cafe in 西塘, I had tea cooked over coal-fed fires. It was very good tea.

Leaving shanghai in 10 working days. The 4 months here has sped past and I can't quite figure out how. It feels like an extended vacation away from home, because being alone here, having my own place, doing laundry is such a departure from my real life back home.

Even so, in this pseudo-amazing-single-life, I've had amazing company and great colleagues here. I will miss them very much.

Happyiness in 1degrees

Its official, I'm going back to Singapore on the 23rd of Dec.

Happyiness!

Happyiness because I am missing friends and family.
Happyiness also because I love Christmas！

In the midst of not-really-packing-cos-theres-plenty-of-time-yet and staring at the piles of books, and clothes on the floor (and ignoring the 20kg airplane limit), I am thinking about Christmas.. and presents.. and parties.

My favourite and most consuming part of Christmas has always been buying presents, and this year so far - I've only gotten Lionel's. Its a ******! I can't say it here yet, but I think he will love it, cos I already do.

Have a list to work on - and this weekend, I am going shopping! Its always fun to think of gifts.

Having company makes travelling fun.

Hangzhou was beautiful, and it was so much more fun compared to Xitang. Every day was filled with various little adventures. Travelling with friends is definately more fun. And now the question is : Do I spend one of the last few weekends out travelling nearby? I am not as self contained as some friends I have, and travelling alone does make me feel lonely. I start to talk to myself in my head, and that cannot be healthy.


Back to my meandering thoughts... from the pictures that my friend posted, it was glaringly obvious that my ass has grown by leaps and bounds.
I have to stop putting on winter fat :P
and since its too cold to go out jogging... diet time :)

I'll be back in Singapore in 3 weeks. Hopefully by then.. Ginormous Ass^TM would have shrunk slightly.

Welcome to Shanghai

The girls are here.

Its a nice change to have other people in the house. But not so fun when their alarm rings at 830am when I'm used to waking at 920am.

And I just realized its very nice to receive random gifts :)
They bought me a travel set of Dior perfume - for letting them stay at my place.
I haven't told them having them here is more than enough.

There will be some drinking, some eating, some walking along the bund.
There will be some travelling, some shopping and some stoning.
There will be pictures.

韩流 FTW!

I've only recently discovered online streaming tv. Slow I know, but i never had the time in singapore to do so before.

Now that I've discovered it, the television is all but useless, and I've stopped playing WoW. All i do is watch Korean Dramas, animes, and more Korean Dramas.

My life is an addiction after another, and I'm using this addiction to salve the absence of another.

P.s 秘密花园 has been fantastic for 2 eps, can't wait for the next eps this weekend.

LOLOMGWTF

我也有QQ!

我的QQ名是食人花。好玩哦！可以在网上和酒店说话， 直接定房间哦！

我要住这里哦！
有一点兴奋了！
hopefully the room's AC works cos I am such a wimp when its cold :)

I hear/read that its a beautiful place. I will be alone there, but its a place of quiet serenity (notwithstanding tourists) so I hope the trip will be good for me.

Nevertheless, the empty space of Lionel-lessness will be constantly on my mind.




link to hotel website in google-translated english

This weekend I will go to Xi Tang. Harloowww Water Town!

Wait for my pictures!

The past and us

Do you worry about not being married as you grow older?

Don't pretend, I know you do.

Late twenties is the age where the singles start to worry about remaining single, and the couples worrying about affording a wedding.
So we start saving money, or we start going out more.

There isn't so much a social stigma that a person is unmarried. When faced with someone who's unmarried at an age beyond the usual - our assumption is that

a) divorced
b) workaholic
c) an 8 looking for a 10
d) or various other reasons.

We think: awwww.. to the unmarried because we all know as we get older, friends who you used to spend all your time with will break away and form their own units. It bodes loneliness for one who hasn't got his/her own unit.

But our counterparts in China takes the fear of being unmarried beyond my comprehension.

There are people my age here, who got married because they NEED to get married, never mind that he/she is not her/his ideal partner.
Girls younger than me that worry about expiring shelf-life.
A guy that eventually broke up with the girlfriend because of her constant willfulness, but married her shortly after that. He said: "they might as well" and also because he was 30 and she 31 - to old to wait and find the right one, perhaps?

The social stigma of any persons above 27-29 that is not married, and even worst, 30 years and more - is that there is something wrong with them.

Physically, Socially, Mentally - in any way, there must be a deficiency in them that is beyond reparation, which is why they have be unable to find a partner.

Such horror.
I cannot imagine doing the same - to get married to someone because I don't want to be seen as a freak.

Things like this reminds you that China has only just started to open up to the rest of the world, and its past ideals are still very much ingrained even in the young.

Pick up the phone you horrible man!

2 months and 1 week later, I am back in shanghai.

When I was in singapore, surrounded by friends and family, I missed the solitude of Shanghai. Shanghai's easy living, my own space, and a politically-less stressful work environment.

Now that I'm back home in shanghai, alone in the hotel apartment I call home, I miss singapore.

This chilly eerie silence. Silence unbreakable by the tv or the droning of the heater. Instead of being depressed, I will go to bed now, hoping when I wake, a more familar home it will become.

I like to think I have a hardy stomach. I've abused it all these years and its withstood a multitude of horrors like thailand street food, days of biscuits and plain bread when I can't be bothered to cook maggie mee, weeks of junk food meals.

I have also, wherever I go, stoically drank boiled water from tap. I believe in minerals and the power of heat to kill all germs.

And obviously I've done the same here, despite having local expats tell me not to, I brush aside their concerns as soft expat behaviour.

That is until this morning, when I surreptitiously asked a colleague if she drank from a water cooler like the one in the office. She said no, and that she drinks mineral water only, not bothering to boil it.

And that is why I have resolved to buy some mineral water tonight even though I am sure the boiled tap water I've been drinking is totally fine.. Even if I've been having the runs.

what else aside from milo

3 weeks into this attachement thing, and I'm liking everything more and more.

I like having my own space.

I like thinking about things to do on the weekend. Even if its nothing much.

I constantly need to buy food or some other small item for the house.

The cons are that I don't seem to really care about what I eat at home, as long as its convenient and fast. Green tea biscuits and milo. Cucumbers and pear and milo. Cereal in milo. To be honest they taste horrible put together, but it fills the stomach and makes for interesting toilet trips.

Good thing is people in the office has started to notice my apalling dinner habits, and has started to point out items for possible consumption. I.e this afternoon at lunch, passing by a grocery shop : oh look sausages! You put them into the microwave for 20secs and its done! Get some.

And I did.

I'm going to have sausages for breakfast tomorrow. With milk, I think.

Shanghaipolis

Shanghai glows at night with neon lit buildings and searchlights in the sky.
Walk along any lane and its romantically lit with mysterious overhanging trees.
Stores appear sporadically along cobblestoned avenues, a square of light in the quiet night.

Stay for the night.

The next morning, hazy light filters through the window, a blaring of horns jot you awake. the smog makes the sky gray and the sun a tiny speck of light. Its gives neon lights a romantic, soft glow.
Telephone lines strung messily overhead, invisible at night, along with the dirt and grime of the buildings in the bright - ambient light of day tells the story of a city grown up too fast. The veneer of a beautiful city, only from far.

It reminds me of Sin City, and Blade Runner and Metropolis. It is a city that is beautiful at night.

Writing from Shanghai

Day 3 in Shanghai

Lionel's leaving tomorrow, and I miss him already.
The last few days have been tiring. Cleaned up the place, getting to know the area, buying necessities, meeting his friends here.. There's been tons to do. Finally winding down today and went to The Bund. It was a pretty enough place and I finally felt like a tourist.

But time has passed so fast, and lionel's going back to singapore soon. I will see his shadow in this apartment that we've been sharing even after he leaves.

Its a nice little duplex in a hotel, in a very accessible area. There is a weird funky smell though that I think is from the carpet. Working on getting rid of it.

I can't quite imagine myself here alone, after having him here these past few.

Its going to be lonely. :(

Adios Singapore

In my head, I think to myself : in the four months I will be spending alone in shanghai, I shall 1. Lose weight 2. Exercise everyday 3. Trek around china on my off days 4. Learn how to cook.

... Maybe not no.4.

And in all honesty, I am quite sure my weekends would be spent lying on the couch or playing computer games.

I am leaving tomorrow and I have not packed yet.

The trip still feels unreal. I can't quite imagine myself doing this, and it probably wouldn't feel real until I actually get there.

Adios then, friends.
I am sure I shall write more while I am there.

Facebook killed Blogspot

A year ago, when I knew I was going to be posted overseas for some time, I was off the roof. The possibilities, the fun that I'll have, the people that I'll meet.

But today, I am slightly reluctant about going on this trip, as it brings me nowhere I want to be, and possibly extent my time at somewhere I don't want to be.

A year passes and so much has changed. The thrill of being away from home very much lessened now.

It is still exciting.

It is also scary.

And now I have someone to miss. beyond words.